Archive | April, 2012

“Something’s Coming” – West Side Story

15 Apr

“I got a feeling there’s a miracle due, gonna come true, coming to me!”

Four months ago, I was given the goal to make it to 36 weeks in my pregnancy so that my twins had the best chance of surviving and leaving the womb pretty much “cooked.”  I prayed for this to come true but was always worried that they would have different plans and arrive prematurely.  Each week that went by became a new milestone and celebration because their chances for being healthy kept rising and the threat of staying in the NICU kept falling.  I was also questioning whether or not my petite body could withstand two babies continuing to grow inside of me, but week by week my belly expanded without hesitation.  Since I have miraculously met this goal, the final countdown to parenthood has officially begun.

Now that my “graduation” is so close I can taste it, I can’t help but think what I will actually miss about living in the hospital.  This whole experience is not something I would choose for myself or anyone for that matter, but there are some aspects that will be hard to say goodbye to.  Other than the obvious superficial things like not having to cook, clean, or lift a finger, the saddest part of leaving is saying goodbye to all of the nurses that have become my new family.  I literally spent more time with them throughout my stay then with my family and friends since the nurses were taking care of me for the duration of their long, 12 hour shifts.  When I felt lonely, they were there and I really got to know them well in between medicine distribution, checking my vital signs, performing the fetal non-stress tests, etc.  I definitely plan on keeping in touch with my nurses and bringing the twins by for a visit when we are in the area.

The other women on bed rest that I have met while in the hospital have also played a big role in keeping me sane during this time.  The large amount of encouragement and good vibes has been some of the best medicine I have received while being here.  Plans have already been made to meet up with our babies to keep our little “sorority” going outside of the Facebook group and hospital walls.  Some of the Moms have delivered since I have been here and after I leave, there will be even more on their way to “graduating” themselves.  I also plan on continuing to maintain the Facebook group for all of the future bed rest Moms that will move-in after I have left.  The nurses know how to direct new patients to the group and I look forward to watching the amount of members expand for as long as it can last.  One big question I keep thinking about is who will be the next to inhabit room 2524 and more importantly, who will receive the magical sunflower?  I can definitely attest to its powers having become the next Mom that has successfully reached the coveted 36 week mark.

So the anticipation and excitement has really started to build because I could go into labor at any time now and there will be no need to try to stop it with heavy duty drugs.  If I end up not going into labor on my own, then the doctor will just schedule the c-section this week or the next.  My husband will start to pack up my things and take the decorations off of the wall as we prepare for the birth and the much awaited move to the postpartum section of the maternity ward.  It is very strange to finally be at the end of my pregnancy journey after spending so many days in waiting that seemed to last forever.  Now with time flying by, Brett and I are trying to think of everything that needs to be in place so that we are as prepared as possible once we take that car ride home and permanently leave The BirthPlace.  I remember the last car ride we took together was filled with fear as we raced to the hospital after that fateful 19 week ultrasound appointment.  What a difference 17 weeks makes where instead of fear and worry, our car will be filled with joy, elation, and of course two beautiful babies.

*The song “Something’s Coming” is from the 1957 Broadway musical West Side Story which is a musical adaptation of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet set in 1950’s New York City. The main character Tony, is singing about his future and the exciting possibilities that might await him at the dance that night.  He ends up being right because he meets the love of his life, Maria and both of their lives are forever changed.  I am so happy that in my world, the “something” that is coming are my twins which will forever change the lives of Brett and myself.  We completely appreciate all of the love and support throughout these past four months from everyone that has reached out in our time of need.  It is obvious that all of the prayers and well wishes have worked and our dream of becoming a family will come true before the end of April!  “There’s something due any day…”


The magical sunflower worked!


“Free” – A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

8 Apr

At this point of my hospital stay I have gotten used to missing out on a lot of events that I was supposed to attend.  This latest one being the Passover Seder, and it is probably the first time I have ever missed going in my whole life.  Usually at my family’s Seder, we read the story of Passover about how the Israelites were freed from slavery in ancient Egypt.  Then, we talk about our own lives and how over this past year we were “freed” from something ourselves.  Last year for instance, my husband was very excited to speak about how he was finally free from school since he had just graduated from Pepperdine University with an MBA.  This year for me, in less than a month I will soon be free from my hospital bed and allowed to actually leave the four walls of this room which have become my world over the course of four months.

But as I near the end of my pregnancy, even though it feels really good to be so close to going home, these next couple of weeks will not be too easy on my body.  I have gained 50 pounds so far and with my limited mobility of being on bed rest, it has gotten extremely hard to walk back and forth to the bathroom since I feel out of breath and exhausted.  While lying in bed, if I need to switch positions, just turning from one side to the other feels like I am trying to complete a marathon.  I have a special bar above my bed which helps me move around by using my upper body since I basically don’t have functioning abs at this point.  To help with my motivation, I have hung baby clothes on this bar so that I am always keeping my eye on the prize no matter how difficult it gets (I have to give credit to one of the Moms from my bed rest Facebook group who gave me this creative idea).  At this point, my main concern is just getting home and starting to take care of two newborns with this altered body.  By then, I will not only be recovering from my muscle atrophy and fatigue, but also the c-section surgery.  Regardless of how uncomfortable it is being enslaved in a body that has been put through so much, I will finally get the freedom to be a mother which I have constantly been longing for.

Even though I am in a lot of pain and discomfort right now, it helps me so much to flashback to a time where I gained another huge sense of freedom when my infertility issues were finally solved.  It really felt like my husband and I had a huge loss of control with trying to get pregnant for two years.  Especially when it seemed like everyone else around us automatically got the privilege to create human life without complications.  We were slaves to alternative treatments and drugs with constant appointments to our reproductive endocrinologist and acupuncturist.  Every time there was a failed attempt to get pregnant, it was so devastating and difficult to start all over again with a new plan of action.  You try so hard to stay positive but yet you don’t want to get your hopes up too much just in case it wasn’t meant to be.  At last year’s Passover Seder, I could not help but think about my own “bondage” to these fertility drugs and really prayed that this “affliction” would soon be over.  Luckily, all of my prayers were answered four months later when we finally got good news that there was not only one embryo but two!

So for now, I am just going suck up the pain and keep myself laser focused on what I came here to do.  I have already endured two years with the infertility problems and now almost four months of strict hospital bed rest.  I can certainly last a few more weeks if it means that all of my dreams will come true of having a family of my own.  “Free! Oh, what a word!”

*The song “Free” is from the 1962 Broadway musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.  The character Pseudolus is a Roman slave who wants nothing more than to be free and agrees to help his master Hero find love in exchange for his freedom.  In the song, Pseudolus is fantasizing about what it will actually be like once he is free and starts talking about all of things he will get to do.  I have already romanced this idea in a previous blog post but now with the reality so close, I have taken it a step further and started a to-do list of important things to get done once the babies are born (call the health insurance, get the car seats installed into the car, schedule the first pediatrician appointment, etc).  It will be so strange to be back in society where I am not constantly connected to a monitor and watched like a hawk to ensure that I am staying in bed.  This freedom thing will become very real when all of the things in my room get packed up and then I am getting wheeled into the operating room to start my new life as a mother of twins.


My bar gets me out of bed and doubles as a rack for baby clothes!