“Home” – The Wiz

25 Feb

Homesickness is a very real illness and I am definitely infected with it. There are so many things I miss about being home and in my neighborhood that I keep fantasizing about what it would be like if I had a 24 hour “hall pass.” If I could leave the hospital for 24 hours and not have any of the physical limitations I am currently facing (muscle atrophy, fatigue, contractions), what sort of things would I take advantage of? With all of this time on my hands, I have deeply thought about my escape and what that day would entail.

First and foremost before any special outings, I would arrive back home and just enjoy being there. I would spend a lot of time with my cats because at this point, they probably think I am either dead or I abandoned them! After some quality time with my four legged kids, I will take that long awaited shower I keep dreaming about. I would love to take a bubble bath too but on my one day off, I want to limit the amount of lying down for obvious reasons. Once I am fully clean and rejuvenated from the shower, I will put on real clothes (not pajamas) and actually put some shoes on! Wearing my normal clothes, I will venture outside into the fresh air and just take a nice long walk in the sunshine. Not being able to go outside and only breathing air from an air conditioner is unbelievably depressing…especially when I have a window to look out of to taunt me and make me feel like a caged bird. This is probably one of the toughest things to deal with at the hospital because I do feel like a prisoner sometimes. Okay, back to my fantasy! Where was I…oh yeah, in the great outdoors. So I spend a good amount of time just walking around my neighborhood taking in the beauty of nature and doing some much needed people watching. I walk to my favorite local nail salon and get the full mani/pedi/massage treatment as a gift to myself. I loved the session I had at the hospital but nothing beats the real experience of sitting in one of those comfy chairs that massages your back the entire time. Yum!

After fulfilling my mind and body, the next order of business is taking care of my stomach with food! At the hospital, the food has gotten very repetitive and I am not enjoying ordering the same things over and over again. Plus, it never arrives very hot since there is a long path taken in order to reach my room. The same holds true for food brought in by visitors. I love getting variety with outside meals but I am constantly eating food that is luke warm or heated up by a microwave. To top it off, I have only been allowed to eat while lying in bed with a big towel draped over me for spills. Not very appetizing or comfortable. For my hospital day off, I will actually sit at a table and receive piping hot food! The first place I go…In-N-Out Burger, and I will savor every minute of it.

Now that I am fed and have gotten my fill of being outside, I will hop into my car and drive around to run errands and go shopping. This day is not about doing anything extraordinary but literally just doing the ordinary. I miss normal and part of that normal is driving to pick up the dry cleaning, stopping by Petsmart for cat food, and taking a stroll through the mall to buy clothes and eat a pretzel. You would think that on my one day off I would rush over to Disneyland, go to the theatre, or do something really exciting but honestly, it’s all about the simple things. The most simple thing being at the very end of the day, where the only lying down I want to do is on my own bed. Sleeping on a twin sized slanted hospital bed is about as uncomfortable as it sounds. Regardless of the countless hours I have spent lying in bed at the hospital, I still just want to curl up in my own bed and sleep soundly without any beeping contraction monitors waking me up. Although this entire day is simply a fantasy, I will get to do all of these things soon enough once I have delivered. Well, maybe not the sleeping soundly part once the babies come home but everything else is definitely possible. Until then, I will have to keep clicking my heels with the hopes that I will soon be back home.

*The song “Home” is from the 1975 Broadway musical The Wiz which is a unique retelling of The Wizard of Oz way before Wicked came along. The Wiz was then made into a movie in 1978 starring Diana Ross as Dorothy and Michael Jackson as the Scarecrow. This was one of my favorite movies growing up which I watched on Betamax…yes Betamax, not VHS. This song in the show is the closing number where Dorothy is about to go back home after experiencing her amazing journey through Oz. She reflects on what she has learned, how she has grown, and how much she will appreciate her life back in Kansas. In a way, I am in my own kind of Oz, far away from home facing challenges and making new friends. Like Dorothy, I want nothing more than to go home and be in my familiar surroundings again. My husband actually gave me the idea for this blog post because he asked me what I would do if I had one day to go back to my former life. This song popped into my head and I started thinking about how Dorothy felt being stuck in Oz. Like Dorothy, I also realize that there is no place like home and thankfully, soon that home will include two little munchkins!


There's no place like home...with Milo


14 Responses to ““Home” – The Wiz”

  1. Muzzy February 26, 2012 at 5:08 am #

    Jess…loved this blog! Although I cannot really relate to what you are going through, I appreciate what “home” is all about after spending 3 weeks in Switzerland in my brother’s house, sleeping on a couch in the living room! Dealing with cold weather which I am not used to anymore. All I could think was my own large cozy bed & the California sunshine & warm weather! My familiar surroundings & habits! There is no place like home & CH is not my home anymore! My consolation was being able to see my mom every day & having visits from the kitties jumping on the couch & curling up with me every night!
    Hang in there girl…soon it will be over & you will be back home with your husband, kitties and…ziggies!
    Love you…Muzzy

  2. Gwen February 26, 2012 at 5:44 am #

    I agree, I love this blog too & I can relate to everything. I am in the exact same situation as you, same bed position, & eating position too. I am currently 27wk2days & have been in the hospital now for a month. YOu have a great gift of putting it all out there honestly. I long for the ordinary days to be home with my husband, daughter, & cat 😦 It’s the simple things I miss most.

    • jfisher February 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

      Gwen – Good luck with your pregnancy and hang in there! There are good days and bad days but I just keep focusing on the little ones inside my belly and I know everything will be okay.

  3. Paul February 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm #

    Wow! Powerful! Very touching! I doubt there is a dry eye in the house after reading this! I know you are very strong and you will get yourself through this. And I know there are times when your prolonged hospital stay takes a hard toll on you. Know there are a lot of people who are here and support you, every day. xo TOD

  4. Judith February 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm #

    Hi Jess – your daydreams will soon become a reality – even if it is not as soon as you’d wish. The Munchkins will be happy that you stayed put in the famous room 2425 and that you were so concerned about their health and well-being. It may take a while for them to tell you that, but the day will come.

    We love you and will make our best effort to bring HOT food your way!!! πŸ™‚

    I was very far from my home when I moved to California (a hundred years ago). It was disorienting and exciting – although I made sure I didn’t go back East too soon lest I be tempted to never return to California! No I are a resident and am happy too! Soon you will be a Munchkin Mommy and will be happy too. xxxxoooo OTM

  5. Ebru February 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    Jessica,I am writing you very far away from Turkey.I am praying for you,your husband and your twins.Hang in there!You are my hero.I know it is difficult but you are doing great.You provide me inspiration and power.I will always stand by you.Sorry for my English but I know our feelings are common.

    • jfisher February 29, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

      Ebru – Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I know there are many other women going through a similar experience and I can only hope to help them by sharing my own story. Best wishes to you!

  6. Grace February 27, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    Very moving. I remember thinking those exact thoughts. “What I wouldn’t do for one day out of here!” and what I missed the most were the small things like making my kids breakfast and taking them to school….Now that I have delivered (2.5 weeks ago now) I still find myself enjOying the small things. Today I actually got Teary eyed at my first time back at the gym (I’m a fitness aholic) πŸ™‚

    I know this time is hard, but if it can offer you any comfort (besides of course what a wonderful thing u are doing for your twins!) I think being on bedrest will help you appreciate the little things in life when you return to “normalcy”. I know it has for me. And whenever I’m having a bad day, I remember my time in the hospital and it makes me more thankful for what I have now, even things like folding laundry πŸ™‚

    • jfisher February 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm #

      Grace – Thanks for the advice! I will definitely not be taking any of the small stuff for granted anymore. You are so lucky to be home now. Enjoy every minute and I will soon be in your shoes too.

  7. Joyce Stein March 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    Ahhh, there’s no place like home. Indeed! If only you could click your heels and go home, but alas, you can only click them in your mind – for now. This too shall pass (as my mother would say) and you will look back on your blog and remember your longing for the simple pleasures. It will happen. Much love.

  8. Margaret March 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm #

    I totally smiled while reading this! I used to sit and dream of all the things I would do when things were “normal” again! While my bedrest was 27 weeks at home, I was limited to bed or sofa. I missed our family room, the back yard, the grocery store, etc. I missed cleaning and grocery shopping. And when you mentioned the atrophy- GAH! I FEEL YOU! I think I expected the atrophy but what I didn’t plan for was the pain my feet suffered for months- just from walking- after having the baby. They weren’t used to carrying my weight! And when I was switched from full to modified at 36 weeks, the hip pain and pubic bone pain from my body suddenly carrying the baby for the 1st time was surpising! So brace yourself. Normal won’t happen over night. But hugging that baby will make it all worth it.

    • jfisher March 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

      Thanks Margaret! I am so looking forward to getting back to my life but know that there will be some adjustments due my physical limitations. I am already starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the weight of the babies constantly growing. The finish line is in sight and I cannot wait to meet my little ones !

  9. dan March 10, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

    I can’t wait to see your beauty babies! Your positive attitude is inspirational Jess and I have so much respect for you. You’re so much stronger than any one realized. This journey will give you the stamina to endure all the joys that those little angels are going to bring you and the energy that it is going to take to survive them. Be gentle with your self Jess! Keep the faith! All our love to you and Brett,the kiddies and the kitties! – Dan


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