“Day By Day” – Godspell

16 Jan

Being in the hospital, I am not more religious than I was before, but that I am definitely turning to my religion for support and prayer during this uncertain time. Even though I am in the safest place possible at this point, there are still so many things that can go wrong…specifically, the twins being born too soon. For almost a month now, my doctor has been able to stop the preterm labor from advancing with the cerclage procedure, anti-contraction medication, and me lying in the Trendelenburg position for about 23.5 hours a day. My biggest concern and fear is not knowing how long all of these interventions will last and can only hope that I make it to 37 weeks (full term for twins). Of course if the twins are born sooner, there is still a good chance of survival but I would hate for the babies to start their lives in the NICU with tubes and breathing machines connected to them. I know I should not think about these kind of things and stay positive, but I do need to mentally prepare myself for this possibility and not be caught off-guard if complications arise. Even so, I am still turning to prayer in order to try to prevent any negative outcomes.

I have the hospital chaplain come visit me on a weekly basis to help me with the prayers and to talk to me about my feelings regarding my fears. This has been very helpful and it actually brings back a surprisingly nice memory of when my mom was in the hospital. I arranged to have a local Rabbi come visit her to recite the Mi Sheberach prayer which is the Jewish prayer for healing. She was so happy to have this prayer said to her but then she could not remember the name of the prayer afterwards once he left. My mom kept on calling it the “Mushy Bushy” which brought a little bit of humor and joy during such a sad time. Now I am the one asking for the Mi Sheberach to be recited to me, while under my breath pronouncing it “Mushy Bushy” in honor of my mom. 🙂

In addition to the prayers, I have been receiving a Shabbat kit every Friday when the chaplain comes to visit which includes challah bread, grape juice, and electric candles (so that the hospital doesn’t get burned down). Prior to arriving in the hospital when I was living my busy life, I would rarely celebrate Shabbat at home and only attended services sporadically throughout the year. I am not that religious to begin with, but I do try to uphold traditions and holidays as much as possible. Now every Friday, I am performing my own little Shabbat ceremony since I finally have the time to do so. Shabbat is a time of rest and reflection which is difficult to fully participate in when your mind is constantly trying to remember what needs to be accomplished over the weekend. I guess taking part completely in the true meaning of Shabbat with no distractions is just another bed rest perk! Hopefully God notices this and gives me some much needed brownie points.

*The song “Day By Day” is from the 1971 Off-Broadway musical Godspell which later made its way to Broadway in 1976 (currently, there is a new revival on Broadway now). The song’s main message about God is to “see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, follow thee more nearly” which I feel like I have been doing since the start of this bed rest predicament because I need all of the spiritual help I can get. Turning to prayer is the one thing that is really helping me focus on positive thinking while trying to silence the worried “what ifs” in my head. The song title itself is very fitting for my situation as well because I am constantly just counting down the days until that 37 week mark which I do hope I make it to (or very close at least). I have a calendar that is hanging in my room where I mark an X on each day as it passes. I have been here a total of 26 days so far, hopefully I have 98 more to go. Day by day by day by day…

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My Shabbat kit

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Counting down the days

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7 Responses to ““Day By Day” – Godspell”

  1. Jessica January 17, 2012 at 6:29 am #

    So sorry you have to experience hospital bed rest. I’m actually on bed rest at home right now. Last February/March I did the hospital bedrest thing with my twins. I wasn’t even able to get up and go to the bathroom. The anxiety was rough and I was in pain. My favorite part of the day was when my husband came after work. He plays guitar for our church so he would sometimes play and sing for me. It was our private worship service. I am 23 weeks with my daughter now and hope to be in this bed until 36 weeks. This time I am able to get up to use the bathroom, take a shower every couple of days, and even grab some food from the kitchen when no one else is here! I will say a prayer for you, your husband and your little ones.

  2. Paul January 17, 2012 at 8:30 am #

    Abolutely beautiful and honest.

    I spoke with cousin Beth last night who said you will look back on this time as relaxing.

    You are doing great!! I’m very proud of you.
    xo TOD

  3. Judith January 17, 2012 at 8:54 am #

    Jessica – time for some Debbie Friedman music! Those songs are a great way to concentrate on meaningful parts of beautiful prayers and the singing or humming of them will be uplifting for you too!
    Have a good day today. Loads of love to you, Dawtah!

  4. Brett January 18, 2012 at 12:39 am #

    124 days, 26 down, 98 to go. You’re roughly 20% done! Time is actually passing quickly. Enjoy this new perspective! Lots of love, Sweety

  5. Jill Mulligan January 18, 2012 at 5:52 am #

    Cuz, I love how willing you are to be transparent with your feeling. I feel like I get a real glimpse at your life of bed rest with twins growing…It is really a beautiful thing…you have a safe place to relax while A & B grow…50 years ago…this option was never there for women in your situation…stay strong…prayer is good…meditation…putting your mind on positive thoughts…this will be very good practice for finding that centered place when you have 2 kids running around :). xoxo Jill

  6. Grace January 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm #

    So nice reading your blog and hearing your positive outlook during your bed rest! God bless you and your twins! I was placed on hospital bed rest yesterday, today I am 22 weeks with twins. I am carrying these Angels for a couple who cannot have babies themselves. I will be following your journey! Thank you for being so open and honest.

  7. Joyce Stein January 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

    Jess you are in my mi sheberach prayer.
    Sometimes it takes a difficult situation to see the need for spiritual rituals.
    I remember when I was in the hospital – in addition to prayer, I began to read psalms. I had read that it is an old tradition to read psalms for healing and to ask others to read psalms for your healing. I’ll look through my book of psalms and find one to read that I will dedicate to you.
    much love…

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