“30/90” – tick, tick…BOOM!

28 Dec

I never in a million years imagined my 30th birthday being celebrated in a hospital room with me lying down the entire day. The original plan was a few crazy nights in Las Vegas followed by a week long cruise to Mexico..I like to “go big or go home.” Regardless of the change of plans, I was going to stay positive and make the best of my new situation. I did have a lot of people lined up to come visit me and that made me feel a whole lot better.

The day seemed to go by so quickly and when friends or family had to eventually leave I wished that I could have them a few minutes longer. Even though I was stuck in bed, there were still a lot of fun activities going on. My brother brought a karaoke machine so I got to sing a few songs (lying down), there were numerous presents for me to open, plus I got some yummy cakes and food brought in as well. I only wished that I could blow out candles on my cake but since we are in a hospital room with oxygen coming out of the walls, that was not an option. But it would have made my birthday party pretty smoking hot!

The highlight of the day was when my doctor surprised me with an ultrasound in order for us to finally find out the sexes of our babies. He was supposed to check last Wednesday on the 21st but got sidetracked when he saw my cervix and I had to rush to the hospital. Now on my birthday he was giving me the greatest gift of all and it brought so much joy to finally know what our future had in store. Like my husband and I originally planned, we had our doctor write down in a card the results because Brett was still on his way to the hospital and could not be there while the ultrasound was being performed. I eagerly waited for Brett to arrive so that we could find out together. He finally got to the hospital and we opened the card which revealed that we were having exactly what we were praying for…a boy and a girl! Brett’s reaction to seeing the results inside of the card reminded me of our wedding day about 3 1/2 years ago when he saw me for the first time in my dress. He was so happy and overcome with emotion and I think that the next time he has that kind of reaction will be when our children are born. I can’t wait to see that look on his face again because it is so authentic and sweet.

After the excitement passed and all of the party guests left, it turned midnight making it not my birthday anymore. Then I started to get the birthday blues. Turning 30 is such a milestone and with twins on the way I feel like my life is officially starting such a new and different chapter. For nearly 12 years I have been with my husband and it has just been the two of us. So much has happened throughout our relationship and this latest occurrence is bitter sweet. We are finally starting a family but for the last several months before that officially happens, we have to be apart and live separate lives while he takes care of the day-to-day tasks with his job and our apartment. He visits as much as possible but selfishly I wish he could be here 24/7 because I miss him so much.

Other than just missing my husband and my former life before bed rest, I can’t help but think about what my thirties will be like. My twenties were pretty typical of others…the college experience, moving out on my own, getting married, securing a career, etc. Now my thirties will be all about starting a family and raising the children. I guess some people turning 30 might not have a plan yet (not married, no set career, no kids, etc.), so I am very grateful to have a clear path that I am in the process of preparing for. I really do feel like a full blown adult now and this experience in the hospital is kicking my butt by forcing me to let go of my “wild and fancy free” twenties lifestyle. Even though my path is pretty clear, there is always that element of surprise and not truly knowing what will happen which is scary and exciting all at the same time. Life changes in the blink of an eye and everyone has the choice whether to embrace the change or run from it. I choose to embrace it.

*The song “30/90” is from the 2001 Off-Broadway musical tick, tick…BOOM! which is actually an autobiographical show about Jonathan Larson (creator of Rent). Jonathan wrote the show and performed it solo in 1990 which was the year he turned 30…hence the song title “30/90.” In 2001, the show was revamped and became very successful during its run, now using a three person cast. Jonathan wrote the show at a time in his life when he was at a crossroads. Should he continue to follow his dream and write music or should he quit so that he could make more money at a 9-5 job and start a family like all of his other peers? Thankfully for us, he chose music but unfortunately it was short-lived due to his untimely death in 1996 from an aortic aneurysm. In the song “30/90,” Jonathan talks about how turning the age of 30 can be extremely scary especially when you don’t know exactly what the future holds. I really relate to this song because even though I do have my life pretty much set in place, everything has the ability to change just like that. You go to a doctor’s appointment one minute and then the next, you are being admitted to a hospital for a four month stay. Or more seriously in Jonathan’s case, your musical Rent is on the brink of opening and becoming one of the most successful Broadway shows of all time…but then you drop dead in your kitchen from an undetected medical condition. Fear of the unknown will always be there but you cannot live your life with constant worry. Live your life with this quote in mind: “No day but today.”


Searching for the sexes


The big reveal!


6 Responses to ““30/90” – tick, tick…BOOM!”

  1. Judith December 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    Jess – Yo Momma didn’t raise no fool!!! You tell it like it is and that is very powerful! Love and Kisses – OTM

  2. Stephan Stubbins December 30, 2011 at 1:01 am #

    I love your posts Jessica! Congrats on the boy and girl news, that’s so exciting!!!! I’m sorry to hear you’re in the hospital, but glad that you’re having some visitors, and that you’re online. Are you looking for good books, or new musical recommendations to pass the time? All my best!

  3. Joyce Stein December 30, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    What a clever doctor. The card is so cute.

  4. Paul January 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    Jessica, what a beautiful and very revealing post / journal. You are brave to share your ‘soul’. I am very impressed with your wonderful writing. Bravo!! xo TOD


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